Folks says he has proof of affair

BY YVONNE WENGER,

COLUMBIA -- Nikki Haley said she's done talking about allegations that she had an adulterous sexual relationship.

Don't keep me in suspense, P&C. What's the proof? Come on. Give a dog a bone. I'll go ahead and elaborate now that I never click on the links I get with my morning emails. So the entire story to me is read by headline and lede. And truthfully, does it need to be explored further? Knowing the P&C, the obvious answer is no. So here, after actually getting a desire to click on link to find out what the proof is, I realized I really don't care. And the entire story is right here. The funny thing is this story has legs in a boring, slow news summer. Spoleto is starting and again, nobody cares about that. But Nikki Haley got some blogger loving? I'm intrigued to read my emails. Saying this, thanks Nikki for teaching all future female politicians to not have sex with bloggers. (Sigh).

On to the Republican sex jokes:

Governor and blogger sex is the best role playing because you get to blog all over the Govs eyes.

Give the governor a harumph...and a hummer.

Republican sex: Even Mormons know there's more then missionary.

South Carolina is a backwards state. So turn that ass around and i'll tap that while we watch NASCAR.

Another guilty plea in Ravenel drug case

Etcheber, 3 years probation

Simple and to the point. Its nice when I read the email ledes and they are broken down for retards to understand. To this i say, "Tank Ewww."

School seizing cell phones raises questions

Eric Roberts understands why Westview Middle School officials confiscated his daughter's cell phone when she was caught with it turned on during school for the second time.

Whats better then raising questions about something? Understanding them before you actually ask a question. Interesting headline and lede here. "School seizing cells phones raises questions." Ok. I'm intrigued. What are those questions? Oh, whatever they are they are understood. I got it. This is standard procedure and practices for writing ledes. Let me try:

Rampant Outbreak of AIDS in Lowcountry Questioned

"Charlie understands that sex without condom might lead to STDs or Aids....now."

Perfect.

Police shoot, kill armed suspect

BY ANDY PARAS

SUMMERVILLE -- A man shot to death by police officers near Summerville High School was wanted for robbing a convenience store, kidnapping a woman and sexually assaulting her, authorities said.

Friend 1: How was your day?

Friend 2: Oh you know. Robbed a convenience store, kidnapped a woman, sexually assaulted her and then got shot to death. Ho hum, ho hum.

Friend 1: Did you get my Cheetos?

Friend 2: You always think about yourself.

A MAN WAS SHOT TO DEATH!!! I'm already intrigued. Keep me going, please. How was he shot? What caused it? Did he fire a gun towards police? High speed chase? What happened? Give me some drama. Im so excited to find out.

Did I get this? No. I got what hes wanted for. Sure thats interesting but not what I'm looking for. I want something completely interesting that'll keep me talking for days. But I get what happened maybe previously or a day or two ago. Blah. This is a shame. There's only so many people that get shot to death by police. When it happens, the reporter needs to be on his game and make it intriguing. Here's hoping it'll happen again so we can try again.

(By the way, I'm kidding. I don't want anybody shot again. Let's just get it right the first time. )

Saks leaving

BY ALLYSON BIRD and WARREN WISE, The Post and Courier

Saks Fifth Avenue, which helped transform King Street from a rundown corridor to a bustling upscale retail district, plans to close by mid-July.

Because of the headline, my first thought was, "The Teabaggers are leaving?" Alas, no. We just are left with lame headlines about Saks Fifth Avenue leaving Charleston.

Brevity is the soul of headlines. Do we need the whole name Saks Fifth Avenue in the headline? No. Are you sure? Can you just put Saks 5th Ave.? No. Again, it kinda works well. Well, ok. Saks will suffice. Should we add any more information that will make us read this story? No. Just add leaving behind the word Saks? Ok. You know best editors. This headline is like Sarah Palin: straight, to the point and shoots wolves from helicopters. Bonus points if anyone adds this story also has a retarded baby. (Yes I went there.)

Wreck occurs at Brookland property

BY SCHUYLER KROPF

EDISTO ISLAND -- Authorities responded to a small- vehicle wreck Sunday at the plantation property connected to former S.C. Treasurer Thomas Ravenel.

I have to hand it to Schuyler. The man (I hope?) sure knows how to pique my interest in a story. Do I really care about a small vehicle wreck on Edisto Island? No. But throw in the words Thomas Ravenel and I'm instantly nostalgic for a time when I snorted half my weight in cocaine in my 20s while working F&B at a downtown bar. Amazing what one man's legacy will do to your own memories.

Oh, Thomas Ravenel. You're drug addiction is sorely missed in the news. However, thank you for owning properties at one time and then selling them so the P&C can use that missing link in atrocious, boring stories. Also...are you holding? Just curious.

Two local military men to get awards

Staff report

Two local members of the U.S. military who were decorated for service in Afghanistan will be recognized Thursday as part of the 2010 Trojan Labor American Hero Awards. The event will be on the fantail deck of the aircraft carrier Yorktown at Patriots Point.

Hooray for decorating soldiers! Hooray for Don't Ask, Don't Tell! Hooray for making me think of the two while adding the words "two military men," "decorated," "Trojan," and "fantail" to the lede. Was the "Poopdeck" taken? (Yes its a cheap and old joke that seemed expected, but it needed to be added. DONT JUDGE ME!)